A heartbreak can feel like the end of the world. When we take time to build a relationship, we create expectations, plans and dreams with the loved one. Losing all this is a big shock, capable of shaking anyone’s emotional and psychological distress.
To get rid of pain, there are those who resort to destructive behaviors, such as addictions and compulsions. The fear of falling in love again can also arise in the process of recovering from disappointment, hindering future relationships.
Although these attitudes are defense mechanisms to try to protect yourself from further suffering, they end up having the opposite effect in the long run.
Why are we disappointed in our relationships?
Disappointment in love can happen for a variety of reasons, some of which have roots in the early stages of the relationship. The person who builds up too many expectations from the first dates, for example, is more easily disappointed.
To some extent, all people idealize their partner and the future alongside him or her. It’s hard to run away from these fantasies when you’re in love.
However, it is necessary to adjust expectations with the reality of the relationship. Whoever started dating recently tends not to want to think about a distant and elaborate future, for example.
It is also essential to take your partner’s wishes into account so as not to end up cheating yourself. He may have totally different goals and expectations. Therefore, talking about each spouse’s intentions as the relationship progresses is essential to maintaining harmony between the couple.
“Discussing the relationship” may sound boring. There is a negative connotation to this conversation because it often accompanies uncomfortable moments and demands from partners. However, it is possible to talk calmly with your partner without running into obstacles when you do not expect to hear a certain response.
It is better to be willing to dialogue with your loved one than to discover by surprise that he or she has different plans for the future or is not satisfied with the relationship.
Expectations in relationships are created from an intention. Some people dream of getting married, and when they reach a certain age and that wish hasn’t come true, they can pin all their hopes on a new partner.
Others cannot stand being single and start relationships in an attempt to minimize the lack of affection. The partner is usually idealized as “special” and “indispensable” in the first few months of dating. This exacerbated attachment is likely to cause painful love disappointments.
The Danger of Excessive Expectations
Nurturing excessive expectations in relation to the partner or relationship is harmful for a number of reasons, as seen below:
prevents you from seeing possible inappropriate behavior in your partner;
makes you see a “character”, with ideal qualities and behaviors according to your opinions, in the partner’s place;
as expectations are very high, disappointments tend to be more intense;
you get upset whenever your partner demonstrates a behavior different from the ideal;
hinders the perception of an abusive relationship;
it causes you to devote too much time to the relationship or the “dream” partner. Consequently, opportunities are lost and your personal, professional or intellectual growth is left aside;
you skip stages of the relationship, not enjoying the present to focus on the future; and
you try to modify the partner to suit your ideals, causing conflicts and strain on the relationship.
How to face a disappointment in love?
How to overcome a broken heart and get on with life?
The disappointment in love is felt according to the level of emotional intelligence and personality of each one. Rational and not easily attached people tend to suffer less from these disillusionments.
On the other hand, individuals who live with different emotional discomforts, such as lack of affection, fear of being rejected and constant need for attention, suffer more. Low self-esteem is also a significant factor for the intensity of suffering.
Regardless of the category you fall into, it is a fact that a heartbreak is never pleasant. Although each relationship is unique because of the experiences and feelings shared between the couple, most people suffer from that experience.
Depending on the expectations nurtured, the shock of termination can leave the disappointed person stunned for months.
Sadness, anguish and anger take over her, preventing her from feeling satisfaction with her daily activities. When too many, these emotions spread to other areas, also affecting professional performance and family life.
Next, you’ll see some ways to remedy the bad feelings arising from heartbreak and tips to get on with life without holding grudges.
let time act
Allpain seems unbearable when recent.
You may mistakenly think that she will never go away or that you will never be the same again after your heart is broken. However, as the days go by, the pain eases off. The wounds heal over time until, one day, they stop hurting.
So, let time have it and allow yourself to go back to your normal life. Feeling the negative emotions of “grieving” is a necessary step to healing, but don’t give in to them fully. The wounds caused by disappointment in love take longer to close when we become comfortable with these emotions.
Take small steps towards the future
After or while you are grieving the breakup, try going out with friends one week and then doing something new for a weekend the next. Leave romantic encounters for later.
Some people get involved with others to “prove” to their ex that they’re okay with themselves. The problem with this is that they are rarely ready to embark on another relationship, even a casual one, and they quickly realize that having a new partner doesn’t ease the pain.
So take small, comfortable steps. It may not seem right at the time, but they will help you get over your heartbreak more smoothly.
learn to forgive
If you made mistakes in the relationship, forgive yourself for it. If the person who let you down has failed in some way, forgive him for that. Forgiveness helps us to leave negative feelings behind, forget about bad events, and overcome hurts.
Understand that everyone can make mistakes. You may feel very angry in the days after a broken heart and not want to accept this conception. All well. Allow a few days to pass for the strongest emotions to fade and then begin to ponder forgiveness.
When we don’t forgive, we carry unnecessary resentments with us and cannot forget what happened. Attachment to memories can slow down many areas of our lives, as well as affect our next relationship.
Learn the appropriate lessons
As painful as it is to remember your heartbreak, revisiting it every now and then will help you find lessons for the future. At the present time, we fail to notice warning signs that indicate the saturation of the relationship. It’s easier to think rationally afterwards.
The intention of this reflection is to draw lessons to improve your experience in the next relationship, such as eliminating excessive expectations or blind worship. You may also find that you are very insecure or fall in love easily because of excessive neediness.
These emotional issues can be explored and resolved in therapy. It is important to work on your self-confidence not only to have better emotional relationships, but to build good friendships and professional relationships. All areas of life benefit when we are confident.
Understand that life cannot stop
Understand that relationships can come to an end. While most people like to believe in perfect relationships, there is no such thing as flawless relationships.
Just because you’ve had a bad experience doesn’t mean the next ones will be like this. Your life cannot stop because of a single negative event.
When you cultivate expectations that are too high, you tend to believe that they are the only possible possibility. However, this is not the case. Reality is more complex than our aspirations.
Your daily life can change radically from one hour to the next and without warning. Therefore, getting too attached to idealizations ends up disappointing and making people bitter. Accept things as they are and move forward, always with an open heart for new experiences.
focus on you
How to overcome a broken heart and get on with life?
After the disappointment in love, self-esteem is shaken.
You may wonder if you collaborated in the breakup in any way or if you upset your partner to the point that he made such a decision. These daydreams facilitate guilt and self-criticism, stimulating the search for possible defects in your personality.
In the delicate moment after the disappointment, focus on yourself. People tend to want to replay bad situations in their heads, as if they could find an outcome different from reality in their imagination. This habit is bad, as it intensifies the attachment to the pain generated by the event.
Take care of your self-esteem so that you don’t fall victim to self-deprecating feelings. You can do this through enjoyable activities, playing sports or physical exercise, hobbies, going out with friends, and more.
Furthermore, making appointments to vent about the situation with people close to you or undergoing therapy can alleviate the feeling of tightness in the chest.