Talking about unhealthy relationships is more and more common. Over the past few years, many people have shown that it is possible to let go of a possessive, aggressive, and malicious partner.
As inspiring as watching these life-changing liberation stories is, when you’re part of the relationship, seeing the reality of the situation isn’t usually so simple. Many feelings and memorable moments are involved. In cases where children need to be considered, the situation is even more complicated.
Still, it’s possible to get rid of a toxic relationship that doesn’t do you any good. We already warned: the process is long and requires a lot of determination to know yourself outside the sphere of the relationship.
Getting rid of an unhealthy relationship can be a challenge. This article will help you find freedom again, away from the possessive partner.
How to recognize an unhealthy relationship?
Recognizing that you are in an abusive relationship is one of the most difficult tasks. Although the partner acts in an atypical way and raises some suspicions, the person prefers to focus on their positive characteristics and remember the happy moments of the relationship rather than seeing reality.
Often, when the first signs begin to appear, the person is unable to see the partner as that hideous being that others see. Taken by her emotions, for her, the partner always deserves the benefit of the doubt.
It should be noted that a sick partner is usually identified over time. At first, he appears to be the perfect match. Only qualities, laughs and fun times enjoyed together.
Coexistence and intimacy make people comfortable enough to be their true ‘selves’, revealing the real identity of the partner.
The person in the unhealthy relationship usually suspects their abnormality after the first aggression or first tantrum or traumatic situation brought about by the partner. It’s like a shake that brings the person back to reality.
It is also common for the person to have already been affected by the possessive partner mentality. Her self-confidence is already weakened, which prevents her from escaping from the relationship even after hostility has been shown.
Knowing the signs beforehand can help one to break free before the relationship reaches this stage.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship
Recognizing the signs requires a lot of evaluation and reflection on the state of the relationship and the feelings involved. Below, see some of the ‘red flags’ more typical of this type of relationship and relate them to your reality.
Victim psychological sign
An unhealthy relationship leaves you tired, discouraged, scared and worried. Feelings opposite to a healthy relationship.
Partner behavioral signs
Jealousy is so exaggerated that you are prevented from meeting your friends, wearing the clothes you want, hanging out with coworkers, and visiting relatives.
Basically, you are barred from leading an active social life.
Requests for you to stop studying or stop working can also happen. The possessive partner makes sure you just pay attention to him. It sabotages all your ties to the outside world to disrupt it.
The partner is suspicious of everything you do: where you’ve been after work, where you bought bread for your afternoon coffee, who you’ll meet in your free time, in short, mundane occasions that are part of everyone’s life.
In this type of relationship, it is common for the other to let you down, throwing a bucket of cold water on all your ideas, dreams and plans. Your suggestions and opinions are not listened to or respected. The partner constantly states that “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Improper guilt. You are always to blame for fights, arguments and even uncontrollable unforeseen events. Any error is cause for explosion and accusations game. Meanwhile, the partner does not take responsibility for their actions.
Your feelings are not taken seriously. When you suffer, cry, get angry or complain, your partner silences you. Possible accusations such as “you don’t value me” or “you don’t know what you want from a relationship” are used to further confuse your emotions.
The partner uses emotional blackmail to manipulate you into agreeing with his point of view or acting as he desires. You begin to doubt your own thoughts about the relationship, wondering if you’re not imagining things.
Physical aggression indicates that the unhealthy relationship is at an extremely critical time.
The partner can also verbally attack you with name-calling and aggressive words, maintaining this same posture when they are in public to ridicule you in front of friends and family.
Putting up with these toxic behaviors day after day breaks anyone’s emotions. The person, who used to be healthy and content, is totally apathetic, scared, suspicious , insecurity and dependent on the partner. If you feel that you are no longer in control of your relationship, it is likely to be abusive.
How to get rid of an unhealthy relationship?
Reassess your relationship
The first step is to recognize the signs in your partner’s behavior. Pay attention to how you act in social events, mood swings and speech contradictions. Then put the good and bad on a scale.
Resistance is common, even when the relationship is not good. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit that you’ve been cheated or disrespected by another. While happy memories can feel good, remember to focus your thought on the present to see reality for what it is.
Mainly reflect on your feelings. Is happy? Are you satisfied? Can you imagine yourself in this relationship in the coming years? Healthy loving relationships should be about love and companionship, not making you feel bad for being who you are.
It’s only realizing that that person is not who you thought you knew that letting go happens.
Ask friends and family for help.
Your friends and family are your best allies in this situation. Ask if you can spend time with someone you trust, if necessary, or ask for help finding the right words to end the relationship. Count on their help after completion as well.
It’s wonderful to have people around us to help us get through the painful times in our lives. So ask for their support in getting rid of the unhealthy relationship.
Give it a final break (if necessary, choose a safe place)
When declaring the end of the relationship, you must be aware that it will not be possible to go back. In these circumstances, getting back together sends the wrong message that you don’t mind suffering from your partner’s possessive attitudes. Be strong when putting an end to the relationship and make your wishes very clear so there are no misunderstandings.
If the relationship has a history of physical aggression or threats, do not meet the partner in person or choose a public place where you feel safe. Call friends or family with you if the other person reacts violently.
An unhealthy partner is likely not to give up right away. He will insist and insist through constant phone calls and force face-to-face meetings to discuss the relationship. It will also use emotional blackmail to convince him to come back. This is when you need to remember that the other person’s happiness is not your responsibility and move forward with your decision.
If your partner is violent or violates your privacy, risking your safety, please do not hesitate to contact the police.
Avoid the possibility of relapse
Do everything to keep your distance. Avoid meeting him face-to-face at first in environments he frequents or at mutual friend events. Others may even think you are acting cowardly, but this period of withdrawal is necessary to heal the breakup wound.
You will likely be shaken and sad, missing your partner’s constant presence. This reaction is common even in cases of abusive relationships. Emotional manipulation is such that the desire to see the partner or strike up a conversation can arise to see how he is doing.
Delete your cell phone number to fight these urges and block your profile on social media so you don’t fall into the temptation to spy on the life of your now ex-partner. Completely cut off contact with the other so that they also realize you were serious and stop bothering.
Rebuild your self-esteem
Just think about yourself and your well-being. It’s time to be “selfish”! Do what you love, sign up for a course, visit interesting places and meet loved ones to overcome low self-esteem.
Keep your focus away from the past in order to forget about accusations, fights and name-calling. In short, get back to the life you used to lead before your partner sabotaged you. The memories will leave you alone eventually. It’s like that wise saying: “Time heals all wounds”.