Relationships are complex on all spheres and levels. Whether in a personal or professional environment, it is always delicate and involves many factors. The most complicated thing is when, throughout life, we go through some situations that create barriers and put us in a position of social isolation. When that happens, you need to learn how to get rid of the fear of relating.
We are afraid of suffering, of being deceived or abandoned, however, at the same time that we create such barriers, we are also failing to live new experiences alongside people.
People are different. They are created in different ways and have different values and personalities. This simple fact is capable of generating many conflicts, because when we relate to someone we need to be ready to deal with the other, that is, to deal with the different.
How to get rid of the fear of relating: 7 tips to put into practice
If you let it, the fear of relating will continue to grow and will prevent you from experiencing very special moments throughout your life. The way to get rid of this ghost is not an easy one, but it sure pays off.
In order to help those who are going through this process or who are still having an idea of how to get rid of the fear of relating, we have separated some essential tips for you to start putting it into practice as soon as possible!
Self-knowledge will always be one of the most powerful tools for overcoming fears. This is because when you get to know yourself better, it is therefore easier to understand the cause of your feelings, control them and look for ways to overcome them.
Some practical tips to exercise self-knowledge in your daily life are: therapy, writing, reading, Yoga and meditation. However, feel free to look for activities that make the most sense to you and help you along this profound journey that doesn’t happen overnight.
2. Work on your self-esteem
Defocus negative thoughts and limiting beliefs. Stop thinking yourself inferior and worse than other people, and don’t entertain the idea that you’re not good company and not worth the attention of others.
List your skills and strengths, placing them above your shortcomings and weaknesses. Of course, we always have room for improvement, however, don’t make it a pit of sadness and lamentation.
Seek to be the best version of yourself, being clear that you have points to improve, but that they do not take away the merit of all your achievements and qualities.
As you learn to value yourself more, the people around you will also see your strengths more clearly. That way, life will be lighter and you will have much healthier relationships.
3. Don’t project past frustrations onto people in the present
After experiencing great frustration, it is normal to withdraw during a period of mourning. However, after a while, it is necessary to re-open up to the world and to the people around you.
Another very common attitude is, even after a long time, to continue projecting past hurts onto new people who cross your path.
Basically, it’s that mania of believing that just because your ex-boyfriend cheated on you, everyone close to you will cheat too. This kind of mindset creates a dangerous barrier that will prevent you from relating to individuals who have nothing to do with the events of your past.
The best you can do is to use the pains of the past as lessons to not make the same mistakes and get closer to people who today make more sense to your life, adding happiness and well-being to your daily life.
4. Be ready to put yourself in a vulnerable position
Relationships of all kinds require that, at some point, you put yourself in a position of vulnerability.
This means that you need to be ready to open up to the unknown and have the courage to honestly expose your weaknesses.
No, that doesn’t mean you’re a weak person. It is when you are able to relate to someone without fear of being who they really are, with all of your imperfections, that you become someone stronger.
As scary as it sounds at first, don’t let the fear of being vulnerable keep you from genuinely bonding with people.
5. Don’t stop relating for fear of loss
One of the reasons people avoid relationships is fear of loss. The point is that once you form a relationship with someone, you have to be ready to lose that someone at any time.
Whether by choice of another or by life’s fatal circumstances. There is no guarantee that the people we relate to will be by our side forever, but the fear of abandonment cannot limit you to the point where it prevents you from relating.
6. Do therapy
If even following all the tips above you can’t overcome the fear of relating, seek professional help. THEtherapy is very suitable for working on self-knowledge, emotions and learning to deal with different situations that afflict your daily life.
The accompaniment of a psychologist specialized in relationships can be essential to help you in conducting the discovery process of how to get rid of the fear of relating. If you are not in therapy yet, discover possibilities accessible through Vittude. Click here to find out more and schedule your first session!
7. Develop your emotional intelligence
As you develop your emotional intelligence, you will gain greater recognition and control over your emotions. In addition, you will also exercise empathy, learn to self-motivate in the face of frustration, and develop social skills.
Therefore, by raising your emotional intelligence, you will eventually be developing to overcome your relationship-related fears.
Understand the triggers that can trigger the fear of relating
To understand how to get rid of the fear of relating, first of all it’s important to understand the root cause of your problems.
There are several reasons and situations that can trigger this fear, but we’ve listed some common examples so you can start thinking about it!
1. Past disappointments
Various types of disappointments can lead to fear of relating to people. Betrayals and lies are a very common example, which can certainly make you afraid to trust the other again.
All the frustration and sadness caused by attitudes that involve lying and betraying can cause you to create a block so that you never have to experience these situations again.
2. Fear of not being accepted and feelings not being reciprocated
A relationship is made up of two or more people. Many people are afraid of not being accepted and not having their feelings reciprocated, generating an uncertainty that prevents them from relating because of the fear of rejection.
You know that story that “the different is not accepted”? That’s what we’re talking about! A great example to translate this is the movie “Extraordinary”, which portrays the life of Auggie Pullman, a boy who was born with a facial deformity. Think about this boy’s difficulty creating relationships with people out of fear of not being accepted just because he is different.
Anxiety may also be the root cause of your relationship problem with people. When you are very anxious, you have difficulty living in the present, always projecting bad thoughts and fears related to the future, which can hinder the experience of a healthy relationship.
4. Childhood traumas
Psychologists are the best professionals to help you deal with childhood trauma. This is because a good part of the psychological problems that adults have, such as fear of relating, stem from childhood suffering.